Tomorrow and my choice.

Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start! I've been so distracted by so many things lately and I will admit I have lost my focus.  I have so many goals and ambitions but I always have a difficult time sticking to my plans. I feel like I have so much potential to achieve great things or at the very least provide great things for my family.  I just need to power through the obstacles and surge forward.  I see so many other women making their dreams come true and I look at myself and feel a bit of disappointment.  I understand that it takes a tremendous amount of hard work and perseverance but I'm ready! !

I see a pattern in my life where I start off with such an amazing amount of energy and determination but half way through the process I get thrown off my path by an enumerous amount of things.  I have to stay on schedule and not give in to unforseen deterents.

Its been a struggle but finally I feel like everything may be lining up in order. My husband and I have worked on communication lately. After 18 years together and everything we've been through, this is a major step forward for us.  Without going into details....18 yrs together since I was 15, 13 years married means  we have been through alot and at the end of the day we still choose to be with each other and work through anything that comes our way.

Tomorrow means that I can still take control of my destiny and become someone I can be proud of.  Someone who can contribute and provide a better life for our children.  I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I have achieved!

I know I have alot of issues to deal with.  My weight and health.  My job.  My family. My friends.  My home and family.  Things like having a goal and picking the course to achieve it.  What weightloss program to use, How to attack my debt issues. How to work on being a better wife and mother. How to demand respect for myself. How to see myself in a better light.  How to advance at work. How to be a better sister and daughter. How to be a better friend. How to be a better person.

Saying all of those things and realizing that they dont even BEGIN to encompass all to the tasks I have ahead of me....how to fathom sending our children to college..just one issue that comes to mind....ALL of those things and at this point all I can do to calm myself down and not go spiraling off into a deep depression is this......i  keep telling myself a few things....one thing at a time...things will work out the way theyre supposed to....things could always be worse....someone out there would look at my life and be GRATEFULL!!!!

All of those things are true.  I know I have to take one step at a time.  I know my husband is there to support me and go through these things with me every step of the way.  Theres still time for me to make a change in my life for the better...as long as im breathing...theres still time.....there are so many people who wish they were in my spot...able to make a choice...I should not linger in depression... how dare I look at my life and not see room for growth...If I dont make improvements then there is no one to blame but MYSELF!!!!!

Consider this my realization and declaration to myself out loud....I Will Be BETTER....I WILL ACHIEVE!!! I WILL GO FORWARD!!  I will wake up tomorrow thankful for the breath of life the Lord has given me.  I will take the gift of life given to me and make the most of it.

Tomorrow holds so many opportunities. ..I just need to be brave enough to seize them....wish me luck!

Time to get started

So its been a long week.  Running around with the kids, working,  home, etc.  But the real reason its been such a LONG week for me is the fact that this week I've been confronted by death and what it means in many different ways.  You know the saying that death comes in threes? Well for me this week it has.  Sadly a neighbor and close friend of my husband just lost his brother to a car accident this past Saturday.  Then on Monday I get the news that a classmate of my youngest daughter in pre-k, also died in a separate car accident.   Finally on Tuesday, the day I randomly decided to call my sons high school guidance counselor and leave a message,  I come home to get the news that she was not in the office because her husband passed away that morning. I feel horrible for all these different families and what they are going through.

All this week I've been hearing different views on life and death and how important it is to go after what you want while you have the chance.   Also about how important it is to tell people how much you love them when you can because there is never any guarantee that  you will live to see another day.  These are all things I know I have heard in the past and I try my best to at least make sure I tell my husband and children that I love them so much every day.

It does however make me realize that although sometimes I feel as if I have alot on my plate,  I can still do so much more. At least I think I have the potential to achieve much more and to be a better version of myself.   I joke often about "super moms". These are the women who seem to do everything so well and organized and stylish.  Whose children look like they are ready for a fashion shoot and appear to be headed to any ivy league college on a full scholarship.   I look at myself and try to console myself by saying how much more "realistic" I am and how I'm doing a damn good job especially considering my background and circumstances.

What I've come to realize after this week however is that I am capable of doing much more.  Ive been making excuses for not doing all the things I want and should be doing.  I have done a good job but I want to look back at my life and say to myself that I did a GREAT job.  I still have goals and dreams and I want to make myself proud.  I know my husband and kids are already proud of me but I have something to prove to myself. I really have to appreciate everything I have but make a real effort to improve on myself and my surroundings and what I have to offer.  Most of all I need to stop taking time for granted.  I cant put things off for later.  I have to get started now.  So off I go.  Talk to you soon!

Very first post!!

So today is the day I have decided to put the pen to paper (so to speak) and start "blogging"!  I will be honest....I haven't done much research other than reading a few blogs, so I'm not quite sure what  I should be doing or what to expect from this but I had to give it a try.

So I've read a few blogs here and there and I've noticed a trend.  Most of them seem to have something to offer.   They promote themselves as "frugal this" or "beauty guru" that or my favorite is the "stylish but on a budget" type.  Now dont get me wrong. ..I LOVE those sites...they inspire me. ..but I am in no way shape or form here to claim to be any one of the above....well...not yet anyway...who knows...maybe someday in the distant future I too will have the super mom powers of being flawless with my wardrobe, queen of d.i.y. party decorating, holding down my full time job and making it home with enough time to prepare an organic gourmet meal from scratch. ...but for now I'm happy making it through the day without landing in jail from my road rage and not emotionally scaring my children for life.

Now why did I want to start a blog you ask? Answer is...I dont know.  I guess the easiest way for me to rationalize it is to say that I have alot on my mind.  I may not be the super mom like I mentioned above but my plate still seems pretty full.

As I mentioned earlier I was a mom at a very early age. I had my son right after graduating high school.  While I had almost a full scholarship to college,  my dad died earlier that year and although I knew my sons father would always be there, I decided that I needed to find a job asap so I could support my son. As a minority, unwed, teen mother I could hear the words "STATISTIC"  screaming in my head,  so I had to get a job and prove to myself more than anyone else that I could be a great mother.

While all my friends were off to college,  I was off to work. I had no time to party or really even socialize. I wanted my family to work.   Truth is that between work , kids and working on our marriage,  friends were definitely the last thing on my list. They all moved on with their lives and I only keep in touch with a all handful of them.   Fast forward 15 years,  a marriage and two more kids later. I'm still working ,running errands,  with my kids and the spare time we have my husband and I try to spend together.  Be that as it may, my husband works so hard and for so many hours that our quality time is few and far in between.

Finally I have found myself going through life and all its curveballs and other wonderful and at times frustrating experiences and I needed an outlet.   I needed a way to convey everything I feel and all my questions without being interrupted and my poor husband can only handle so much of me so here I am. I look forward to seeing how this turns out.

Now if you made it to the end of this that means you've given me a few minutes of your time and I thank you.  I know this first post was long winded but I wanted to give you a sense of where I was coming from.   I promise to make future posts more concise and light hearted.  I hope you stay tuned.  :)