Tomorrow and my choice.

Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start! I've been so distracted by so many things lately and I will admit I have lost my focus.  I have so many goals and ambitions but I always have a difficult time sticking to my plans. I feel like I have so much potential to achieve great things or at the very least provide great things for my family.  I just need to power through the obstacles and surge forward.  I see so many other women making their dreams come true and I look at myself and feel a bit of disappointment.  I understand that it takes a tremendous amount of hard work and perseverance but I'm ready! !

I see a pattern in my life where I start off with such an amazing amount of energy and determination but half way through the process I get thrown off my path by an enumerous amount of things.  I have to stay on schedule and not give in to unforseen deterents.

Its been a struggle but finally I feel like everything may be lining up in order. My husband and I have worked on communication lately. After 18 years together and everything we've been through, this is a major step forward for us.  Without going into details....18 yrs together since I was 15, 13 years married means  we have been through alot and at the end of the day we still choose to be with each other and work through anything that comes our way.

Tomorrow means that I can still take control of my destiny and become someone I can be proud of.  Someone who can contribute and provide a better life for our children.  I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I have achieved!

I know I have alot of issues to deal with.  My weight and health.  My job.  My family. My friends.  My home and family.  Things like having a goal and picking the course to achieve it.  What weightloss program to use, How to attack my debt issues. How to work on being a better wife and mother. How to demand respect for myself. How to see myself in a better light.  How to advance at work. How to be a better sister and daughter. How to be a better friend. How to be a better person.

Saying all of those things and realizing that they dont even BEGIN to encompass all to the tasks I have ahead of me....how to fathom sending our children to college..just one issue that comes to mind....ALL of those things and at this point all I can do to calm myself down and not go spiraling off into a deep depression is this......i  keep telling myself a few things....one thing at a time...things will work out the way theyre supposed to....things could always be worse....someone out there would look at my life and be GRATEFULL!!!!

All of those things are true.  I know I have to take one step at a time.  I know my husband is there to support me and go through these things with me every step of the way.  Theres still time for me to make a change in my life for the better...as long as im breathing...theres still time.....there are so many people who wish they were in my spot...able to make a choice...I should not linger in depression... how dare I look at my life and not see room for growth...If I dont make improvements then there is no one to blame but MYSELF!!!!!

Consider this my realization and declaration to myself out loud....I Will Be BETTER....I WILL ACHIEVE!!! I WILL GO FORWARD!!  I will wake up tomorrow thankful for the breath of life the Lord has given me.  I will take the gift of life given to me and make the most of it.

Tomorrow holds so many opportunities. ..I just need to be brave enough to seize them....wish me luck!

Update....sort of ....

So the last week was pretty quiet as quiet can go in my life.  Just work and sleepovers and bday parties at chuck e cheese.  I have to update that the weightloss was a complete and total failure! ! I didn't put in any effort after the first two days so obviously it didnt work.  Im just finding it hard to decide on what route to take...wether its a cleanse or atkins or appetite suppressant or juicing.  Ofcourse with the holidays coming and all the yummy food that will follow I'm even considering holding off until the new year.  I'm very torn about the "New Years Resolution" idea of weightloss versus the "Stop the excuses and start THIS MINUTE" approach.  My birthday is next month and I will be turning 33 so I could use that as a mini goal to see if I can make any progress. We'll see....

Meanwhile. ...I have been cooking more. (Which might add to my weight problem lol)   I haven't done anything serious just packaged cookies and cupcakes and easy stuff like sausage and peppers. Its such a great way to bond with my kids and get them involved. But it has definitely lit the fire to get me cooking and baking more. I was a novice fondant decorator but I really enjoyed it and was so proud of myself so maybe I'll start again and take more pictures of my endeavor.  I'm eager to start trying new recipes to see what I'm really capable of.  Maybe I'll sign up for a few beginners classes.  I'm starting to think anything is possible but I have to TRY!

(Don't mind my little one's messy hair...it was the weekend...cut me some slack! lol)

  Finally dyed my hair back to black/brown and started growing my nails.  I'm also going to try and step up the home décor.  It's a struggle with working full time but I want my husband and kids to come home and feel like their wife/mom has tried to build a clean and loving and warm and also FESTIVE environment that they can be proud of. 

(I couldn't get the same lighting, sorry)

   I have so many ideas and goals to meet and i think my problem is knowing where to start.  I love to see everyone else's pictures and ideas for decorating and holiday comfort foods. Although October is still my favorite month. ..November and December are right behind. Especially this year because I am taking such an active approach to everything. I'm not just sitting back and doing the minimum... .ok so I am absolutely doing less than the minimum with my weight loss but that's another story,  as for everything else I am definitely trying harder. I want to take pictures of the things I'm doing and be proud. If I can inspire someone else by what I've achieved on my own that would be a bonus!! I'm looking forward to it!! :D

Small steps.

So its been an interesting past few days. I was sick for a few days last week and had to take a few days off from work. I was stuck in bed and aside from watching tv all I did was read different blogs.  I had a lot of time to think about what I hope to achieve in my life and my goals.   Now I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I needed to get started and be active in pursuing the things I want.  Truth is that I have been making small steps.   No groundbreaking moves but still something is something right?

I'm putting in more effort in keeping in touch with friends.  I am trying to be more involved with the kids schools as far as volunteering with other parents.  I have been trying to be more put together in what I wear and not being lazy.  I think if I start putting in more effort it will eventually come easier to me.  I'm trying to step out my comfort zone in all aspects of my life.  I will start baking and cooking with new recipes.  I used to love baking and decorating cakes with home made fondant but I just gave it up.  I think its time to start again.

 I'll be making more posts with more focus, details, pictures and reviews.  Hopefully when I look back in a few months there will be a significant change.  Making my husband and kids happy are my first and most important concern but I want to make myself happy too.  They are my greatest loves and accomplishment but I want to offer them more. I want to make them and myself proud. 

I believe it when people say that you're never too old to achieve your dreams.  I tell my kids that if they work hard then there is nothing they can not do.  So now its time for me to prove it to myself.

Have a great week...I know I will!!! :D

Time to get started

So its been a long week.  Running around with the kids, working,  home, etc.  But the real reason its been such a LONG week for me is the fact that this week I've been confronted by death and what it means in many different ways.  You know the saying that death comes in threes? Well for me this week it has.  Sadly a neighbor and close friend of my husband just lost his brother to a car accident this past Saturday.  Then on Monday I get the news that a classmate of my youngest daughter in pre-k, also died in a separate car accident.   Finally on Tuesday, the day I randomly decided to call my sons high school guidance counselor and leave a message,  I come home to get the news that she was not in the office because her husband passed away that morning. I feel horrible for all these different families and what they are going through.

All this week I've been hearing different views on life and death and how important it is to go after what you want while you have the chance.   Also about how important it is to tell people how much you love them when you can because there is never any guarantee that  you will live to see another day.  These are all things I know I have heard in the past and I try my best to at least make sure I tell my husband and children that I love them so much every day.

It does however make me realize that although sometimes I feel as if I have alot on my plate,  I can still do so much more. At least I think I have the potential to achieve much more and to be a better version of myself.   I joke often about "super moms". These are the women who seem to do everything so well and organized and stylish.  Whose children look like they are ready for a fashion shoot and appear to be headed to any ivy league college on a full scholarship.   I look at myself and try to console myself by saying how much more "realistic" I am and how I'm doing a damn good job especially considering my background and circumstances.

What I've come to realize after this week however is that I am capable of doing much more.  Ive been making excuses for not doing all the things I want and should be doing.  I have done a good job but I want to look back at my life and say to myself that I did a GREAT job.  I still have goals and dreams and I want to make myself proud.  I know my husband and kids are already proud of me but I have something to prove to myself. I really have to appreciate everything I have but make a real effort to improve on myself and my surroundings and what I have to offer.  Most of all I need to stop taking time for granted.  I cant put things off for later.  I have to get started now.  So off I go.  Talk to you soon!